about seventeen years ago we went to an animal shelter to pick out a gray female kitten
we left with a gray female kitten and her black and white female litter matei named the gray one aravis after my favorite character in the horse and his boy
and my brother jordan named the black and white one channing
after his favorite actress carol channing
i was almost six and jordan was eight (and yeah, we knew then he was gay)
i'm twenty-two now and jordan's twenty-five
and aravis + channing have been our familiars/confidants/soul mates through
childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and the beginning of our real adulthood
and now aravis is gone
her health has been declining for the last couple years
but she's still been playful, loud, smart, sweet, and demanding
but i knew when i moved three weeks ago that it was going to be the last time i saw her
i knew it
but i'm not going to be one of those people that says "knowing it doesn't make it any easier"
because that's such bullshit
emotional preparedness does make it easier
so. much. easier. than sudden loss
believe me
i'm still sick + sad + deeply devastated
but i'm going to be okay because i know that aravis had a lifetime of amazing years
living in the cat heaven that is my home back in akron
and she went as peacefully as possible
which is a blessing beyond blessings
and i'm going to miss her more than i can say
(my oldest friend, my companion)
and writing this is almost as hard as it is to feel this grief
but i'm going to be okay
i'm going to be okay.
me + aravis skyping
the last photo i ever took of her, 08.23.11
- A
p.s. if i don't post for a little while, no worries. i'll be back.
I'm so sorry Alison
ReplyDeletexoxo
i am sorry, this is the saddest. :(
ReplyDeletei'm sorry for your loss, Alison. =(
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry :( I know how you feel. My cat, Gomez, who I got when I was four, passed away a couple months ago. I had him for 17 years and as much as we had our spats, he was still my favorite cat.
ReplyDeleteYou're very right about being emotionally prepared, though. I knew Gomez wasn't going to be around much longer, so it helped, but it still hurt.
I hope you are feeling better soon. *hug*
Aww, Alison! I'm so sorry to hear this. :( Big hugs! xo.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking for you. I am near, if you need a walk or a talk. :)
ReplyDeleteI am torn between being so happy that you have introduced me to your new blog and sad that your childhood friend has died I don't know whether to smile or cry.
ReplyDeleteI lost a cat some years ago and it as as painful as losing a brother.
Big hugs.
xo jane
Aww I'm so sorry to hear about this! Knowing it's coming definitely helps, but the loss is still just as difficult. ::hugs::
ReplyDeleteOh, i'm sorry for your loss. It's hard losing a pet because they are family too. We lost our 14 year old dogs this year, months apart from each other. It gets easier but in the meantime, grieve- it's ok to be sad but I'm hoping you'll be better soon.
ReplyDeleteso sorry to hear about your loss. she's really beautiful. i know how hard it is - i remember when my dog died last year. i cried for days and it wasn't easy at all. it's good to allow yourself to grieve. but do chin up anyhow. :) sending love and hugs your way. xx
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