5th floor apartment: September 2011

30 September 2011

tomorrow is october

it's been about four weeks since aravis died
and i'm starting to zero in on the acceptance stage of grieving.
somewhere over the last twenty-seven days i've also zeroed in
on feeling the excitement of my new life in pennsylvania
without all the sad side effects of being away from ohio.
i've transitioned from living day by day, one step at a time
just to get through the crazy newness, the scariness,
and the oh-my-god-i-miss-my-friends-and-family-ness
of moving to pittsburgh,
into the oh-my-god-i-love-living-here-ness
of moving to pittsburgh.
i think it really hit me when i was walking home from whole foods yesterday
how much i'm not just surviving on my own anymore,
but truly happy to be here.
i was carrying a bouquet of gorgeous alstroemerias close to by body like a beauty queen,
the stems as long as my torso.
it was evening and i couldn't wait to get my little apartment
and put the goodies from my brown paper bag into the refrigerator,
get into my PJs, watch TV, play with GG,
and arrange those awesome wine-colored flowers in a huge white pitcher.
i mean
yeah, i still miss my family and friends and channing and chuck.
yeah, i still miss the akron library, the grilled cheese & tomato soup at crave,
the thin man posters in our dining room, and having an awesome front porch,
but that was that chapter of my life
and now i'm in this one...
and i love it.

here are some photos of my life since i last posted...

more photos here

tomorrow is october.

when did that happen?

in september i became obsessed with community and fringe,

watched preseason hockey like there was no tomorrow,

read old white male american poets,

held my friend's newborn for the first time,

had a love affair with burt's bees almond milk hand creme,

visited coopers rock,

learned about the great reforms in 19th century russia,

conquered the unpredictability of public transportation,

and looked forward to the gray, chilly awesomeness of fall weather.

what are your favorite september memories?

- A

03 September 2011

aravis

about seventeen years ago we went to an animal shelter to pick out a gray female kitten

we left with a gray female kitten and her black and white female litter mate
i named the gray one aravis after my favorite character in the horse and his boy
and my brother jordan named the black and white one channing
after his favorite actress carol channing
i was almost six and jordan was eight (and yeah, we knew then he was gay)
i'm twenty-two now and jordan's twenty-five
and aravis + channing have been our familiars/confidants/soul mates through
childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and the beginning of our real adulthood
and now aravis is gone

her health has been declining for the last couple years
but she's still been playful, loud, smart, sweet, and demanding
but i knew when i moved three weeks ago that it was going to be the last time i saw her
i knew it
but i'm not going to be one of those people that says "knowing it doesn't make it any easier"
because that's such bullshit
emotional preparedness does make it easier
so. much. easier. than sudden loss
believe me
i'm still sick + sad + deeply devastated
but i'm going to be okay because i know that aravis had a lifetime of amazing years
living in the cat heaven that is my home back in akron
and she went as peacefully as possible
which is a blessing beyond blessings
and i'm going to miss her more than i can say
(my oldest friend, my companion)
and writing this is almost as hard as it is to feel this grief
but i'm going to be okay
i'm going to be okay.